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The internet just seems to feel darker and darker and darker to me. I’m glad you’re keeping your circle smaller and safer right now. I’m always thinking I should use the microphone of the internet to share the light, but I can’t really do much and I also don’t think I’m strong enough not to let the darkness kill what little light I ever have to offer anyway. I mostly left the internet for a couple years and it went well— and now this year I have tried being back on it for a few months, but I can already feel my Fire burning out.

you gotta do it for yourself. i was talking to someone yesterday about this. the internet is so huge that it's like... waah. and it's all so spikey. you gotta, and it's hard, but you gotta build it up from nothing into what you want. it's best to work off-grid, and then bring what you have to the internet when you're ready. if you start anywhere else, the fire is destined to burn out since it's not rooted in your own desire. when it is, it's easier to keep going.

the worst part is this approach is super lonely, so i make myself sane by having very meaningful friendships offline. the specific thing i like most there is the irl music video showings. i did one in november for waterfalls, and might get to do one next week or so for in the summer. that is, if the project is actually finished by then.

also, take small steps. and a billion of those steps. it's very easy to look at people and get jealous of whatever. i know that feeling too well, but it's interesting slowly moving into the place where people do it to me.

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