music video: in the summer

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regarding your future songs, what do you want to keep the same (from in the summer/waterfalls) and what do you want to change?

billion things but here is one of each

same: playing with all the instruments available, placing real world characters in 3d worlds

different: i want more varied structure regarding lyrics, having certain video scenes be ultra ultra minimal.

can i reach for the stars?

it's probably possible. i always think about the stars in the sky because i usually don't get to see them.

when will the stars reach for us?

i still worry the stars forgot about me.

2025-08-10 02:14 not. the video doesn't play. the folder also appears to be gone from file/2025/, and trying to access the url prompts me to enter a password.

ok this is on me. and it's a funny story i think. when i published initially, i manually removed the permissions check for that file, but then a few days later when i published my private blog, it re-scanned the permission file definition, which ended up re-gating those files.

this was mostly an artifact of me publishing stuff from a laptop in michigan instead of in proper on my real desktop.

though i spot a new bug, the fragments dir is really fucked up

what's going on with in the summer?

published to everyone

does this site have any analytics?

no i dont really find the stats useful. most of the time it's just an anxiety meter. i might add sitewide and server-side resource analytics just so i can be aware if i need to spend more money on the server. but i've been a pretty big opponent to the "view counter".

how many people watch your vids?

i have at least. many of my friends have since i show it to them, usually in person these days. for in the summer, i think about 15-20 people have watched it so far.

The internet just seems to feel darker and darker and darker to me. I’m glad you’re keeping your circle smaller and safer right now. I’m always thinking I should use the microphone of the internet to share the light, but I can’t really do much and I also don’t think I’m strong enough not to let the darkness kill what little light I ever have to offer anyway. I mostly left the internet for a couple years and it went well— and now this year I have tried being back on it for a few months, but I can already feel my Fire burning out.

you gotta do it for yourself. i was talking to someone yesterday about this. the internet is so huge that it's like... waah. and it's all so spikey. you gotta, and it's hard, but you gotta build it up from nothing into what you want. it's best to work off-grid, and then bring what you have to the internet when you're ready. if you start anywhere else, the fire is destined to burn out since it's not rooted in your own desire. when it is, it's easier to keep going.

the worst part is this approach is super lonely, so i make myself sane by having very meaningful friendships offline. the specific thing i like most there is the irl music video showings. i did one in november for waterfalls, and might get to do one next week or so for in the summer. that is, if the project is actually finished by then.

also, take small steps. and a billion of those steps. it's very easy to look at people and get jealous of whatever. i know that feeling too well, but it's interesting slowly moving into the place where people do it to me.