history of the entire world, i guess: reanimated
section 1
music produced by Vortex64, narrated by krispykarim, section lead: LunaPogi
hi, you're on a rock floating in space—how did this happen?
a long time ago, actually never...—that's how
every it gets
forget this—and that's exactly where it started
whoa, i paused it—the world is gonna get bigger. and emptier
but it's not empty yet—but can't cause it's still too [HOT]
(about 10 minutes later)—new shit just got made
some stars burn out and die—even crazier
space dust
so now stars have cool stuff...—now the moon
section 2
music produced by Sigmarune, narrated by ravarcheon, section lead: LunaPogi
weather update—no a micro-
-scopic speck. it lives at the bottom...—it has secret-
-instructions written inside...—...oxygen everywhere and the sky's blue
then the earth might have been...—wow, that's animals and stuff
but we're still in the ocean—(100 million years later)
ok, will you learn to walk...—have babies
(idea)—bye bye ocean
and now everything's huge—and the dinosaurs are gone
section 3
music produced by TheJustinator, narrated by WHOISXENO, section lead: KappaWappa
it's mammal time—that's a human person
and now they're everywhere—and they're chasing their food
fuck it, time to plant some grass—and the animals are helping
guess what happens next—Society
coming soon to a dank river valley...—...dealer won't tell me where he gets it
also, guess what?—norte chico
the middle east is getting more complicated—a beta version of the greeks
let's check in with the indus...—you could make a religion out of this
section 4
music produced by Syril, narrated by ChowieVA, section lead: Draniac
there's the bronze age collapse—must be the olmecs
the phoenicians make some colonies—you can make a religion out of this
oops, china just broke—...share the empire evenly between them
knock knock, it's chandragupta—most of india
but what about this part?—...selling it to the rest of the world
let's check the greekification levels...—...tired of people invading their homeland
hi, everything's great—get there on water
section 5
music produced by SSQMinky, narrated by Kasmo, section lead: unassigned
sick! new trade routes!—yep, said the persians, making a new one
axum is getting so powerful...—selling lots of gold, and slaves
hi, i live in the roman empire—don't worry about rome, it won't fall
it's the golden age of india—...so let's give it a new name
the mayans have figured out the stars—it's the sunrise kingdom
[intermission]—and maybe conquer the world as well
the roman empire is long gone—islamic gold age
let's bring stuff to the coast and sell it—...enlightened in the middle of nowhere
section 6
music produced by LunaPogi, narrated by Zuonite, section lead: krispykarim (tentative)
the franks have the biggest kingdom...—and they name them accordingly
they also invade some other places—christianize all the kingdoms!
which brand would you like?—let's do a crusade
crusade—...wondered how to build a town in a cliff
guess who's here?—i bet that will last a long time
some of the islamic turks...—Africa
the king of mali is so rich...—...still christian when you least expect
whoops, half of europe just died—Majapahit?
section 7
music produced by WHOISXENO, narrated by Gl!tch, section lead: unassigned
oh, italy's really rich—that's bullshit, said portugal, spiceless
well i guess we'll have to find...—we already got this, said portugal
so chris goes to spain—...who gets which half of the world
the aztec and inca empires—maybe go invade india or something
persia just made persia persian again—...started the protestant reformation
you know what would be magnificent?—and then that dream was real
and spain realized that this is not india—no, but at least there's beaver
question 2: steal the spice trade—...russia's to-do list is to get bigger
section 8
music produced by GramBam36, narrated by SSQMinky, section lead: unassigned
britain and france are having...—...and fighting for it
and france helps them win—no, don't
haiti is starting to like the idea...—they banished him to another island
there goes latin america—...make a lot of products real fast
then they invent some trains—...five cities and give them an island
britain and russia are playing...—...governing them even harder than before
technology is about to go crazy—...maybe kick out the mexicans too
i know, let's rape africa—so they're looking for more
section 9
music produced by moxley, narrated by Fredfrenchii, section lead: moxley (tentative)
hawaii, cuba—connecting the two oceans
britain just found oil...—after it's over, they blame germany
russia went on strike...—hopefully the arabs won't mind
let's cut the cake—probably be great forever, just kidding
germany's back, featuring hitler—that's world war 2
bonus round!—wow, that worked?
bonus, now there's pakistan—sike, they both get angrier
look out china, there's a new...—then it's on pause forever
section 10
music produced by TripleLLLGaming, narrated by Vortex64, section lead: paper clover (tentative)
let's meet the sponsors—...we have enough atom bombs
i'll race you to space—...it's bad, and the world agrees
south africa might need another minute—...they don't feel like it
let's check the mail—flying robots. with bombs
(extra script with world events 2017—2027)
outro
produced by krispykarim, animated by Bonn, infinitysnapz, LunaPogi